What is adolescence and how long does it last? Knowledge of adolescence in adolescents, what to do

The door opened and a well-dressed woman of about fifty entered the office, followed by a young guy of about 25. She sat down in front of me, he remained standing near the door. Her first phrase was: “Do something with him, he has 2 higher educations, he’s so good to me, but for some reason he doesn’t want to live.” The guy did not react at all and continued to look out the window. In his eyes there was no desire to receive help or engage in dialogue at all. Therefore, my question was addressed to the woman: “Perhaps you need help? Maybe it’s you who don’t know how to behave with your son?” To which I received the expected answer: “What are you doing? He has problems. I dedicated my life to him, but he is ungrateful and doesn’t want to live.”

This is a real case from my practice. The mother took care of her son for 25 years, did everything for him and FOR HIM. And it’s hard for her to understand that she deprived her son of an independent life. That she took away from her son the desire to desire and choose. She even took away the desire to see a psychologist, and she is trying to control the choice between life and death from him. In old age, such a mother finally begins to feel burdened by guardianship over her son, and she takes her son to see a psychologist and says: “Do something with him.” But she never admits that because of her selfishness, her physically healthy son became virtually crippled - helpless and incapable of action and independent life.

The topic of relations between parents and teenage children. Children who have already swung one foot into adulthood, but have not yet been able to plant a firm foot. Children who are 13, 14,15 years old. And older, older... Children are 25 years old, children are 30 years old, and even forty years old. Will they ever be able to set foot in adulthood?

Mom worries about the 16-17 year old forehead, that he sits on the computer, did not have breakfast until 12 noon, and did not choose the educational institution he will enroll in in 4 months. And she has so much trouble about him - preparing breakfast, washing, serving, choosing his future place of study, but he sits on the computer and doesn’t lift his nose. And the unhappy, concerned mother calls it: “He doesn’t make a choice.” Or in another way, even more “softly”: “He can’t make a choice - he’s still a child.” And he begins to fuss, choose a university, negotiate with friends, borrow money, pull his ears.

And he? What is he - he is nothing.

He, like an amoeba, trails his mother around the admissions committees, looking at YouTube and VK on his phone, but his mother decides everything, he doesn’t have to take responsibility for anything. Goes to classes without motivation. After finishing his studies, he cannot find a job. Mom has a ready answer to this: “Now is the time - you can’t find a job in your specialty.”

And then a fix idea arises in my mother: “Shouldn’t I go to university for a different specialty?” The mother chooses something that is relevant, in demand and again looks for money, works for the benefit of her son and... And a few years later she comes with her son to a psychologist with the words: “Do something with him.” But we should have come 15 years ago.

It so happens that in most cases mothers are involved in raising children in modern families. Therefore, this material is addressed to mothers of maturing sons (it will also be useful for dads, and I in no way exclude dads from the process of raising children, it’s just that dads have other blind spots in their upbringing, which I don’t mention here). Our children grow and change, and we, parents, need to change along with them. Everything that concerns the lives of children is very dynamic, and this has its pros and cons. And one of them is that they change very quickly, and sometimes we do not have time to change with them.

“In families with teenage children, controllability problems may be associated with the inability of parents to move from the stage of caring for the baby to the stage of respecting the teenager. In this situation, previous programs that worked well when children were small interfere with the development of a new form of family. Perhaps the children have already become accustomed to the new level of their development, while PARENTS AT THIS STAGE OF THEIR OWN DEVELOPMENT HAVE NOT DEVELOPED NEW ALTERNATIVES.” - family psychotherapist S. Minukhin tells us.

That is, the parent may HIMSELF be the weak link in a dense and interconnected chain family life. And as we remember, you don’t even notice the log in your own eye. The dynamics of the family life cycle highlights as a separate point the period when the child experiences adolescence. This is perhaps the most difficult period for parents, for the child, and for the family as a whole. At this time, the internal psychological separation of the child from the family begins, independence of his self-esteem from the assessment of his parents appears, and all hidden and obvious conflicts between family members intensify. The tasks of this stage of family development are: establishing a balance in the family between freedom and responsibility; creating a circle of interests for spouses that are not related to parental responsibilities and solving career problems. I repeat that we must clearly understand that the forms and styles of behavior that we use with young children are unacceptable for children of adolescence and older.

What exactly does the mother of her son, who celebrated his 13th birthday and received a razor as a gift, need to change in her behavior?

7 obligatory actions of the mother of a growing son

1. Change the strategy of your own behavior. As you already understand, you need to start with yourself. You are a mother who gave birth and raised her child until she was 13, 14, 15 years old. Now this child needs to be helped to become an adult. It is your direct responsibility to give your son the opportunity to make independent decisions. And it is your responsibility to LEARN to make his independent decisions and WITHstand their inconsistency with your plans.

2. Transform maternal care. To do this, you need to change your usual form of communication. Caring in the usual format for you - you know what he needs and take care of him and his needs in advance - will now cause harm. It is necessary to ask your son questions: What do you think? What do you want? Why do you choose this? What are your plans for the next year, two, five? Such questions should become the norm of communication between parents and children from kindergarten age. But better late than never. Ask questions, ask what he wants and likes. Consider his wishes and aspirations in everything. This is also care, but it provides an opportunity for the development of the child’s independence. If you don't want to have breakfast, don't. Let him go hungry. Believe me, when you stop persuading, he will run into the kitchen ahead of you.

3. Determine the boundaries of material support. Naturally, parents are obliged to provide their children with clothing, food, toys, etc. But few people think about what age. It is necessary to note that every year after the age of 18, the financial support provided by parents will decrease. The son must know that he cannot sit on his parents’ necks all the time. From the age of 13-14, you can provide him with the opportunity to earn his own small pocket money. For example, a high school student may be a student's tutor elementary school, you can make handmade postcards and sell them at exhibitions, you can help your neighbors walk their dog for a nominal fee, look after your youngest nephew, etc. So that the restriction of material support does not look like a bolt from the blue at the age of 18-20, it is necessary to talk about it from the age of 13-14. And if you are going to feed and clothe him all his life, buy phones and computers, why should he bother and study, then do not be surprised at his passivity and reluctance to develop independently.

4. Engage in raising your son’s financial literacy. A man is a breadwinner. Every woman dreams of having a reliable man next to her who knows how to earn money. Your son will grow up soon. What kind of man will he become? Your future wonderful old age depends to some extent on his ability to earn money. At the moment, there are many psychological games, among which there is a game called “Cash Flow” for the development of financial literacy. My recommendation is to give your child the opportunity to play this game. The school does not provide knowledge in this format, and the modern world is tied hand and foot with the ability to own and increase one’s finances. It is very important for a man to be able to earn money, manage his income and be able to increase it. The main thing in this game is that over time a certain strategy for handling finances is developed, which can subsequently be transferred to real life. The game is conducted by the presenter, who shows the strengths and weaknesses of the tactics of the playing participants. Cash Flow can be played by families, there are adult and children's games.

But at the same time, it is important not to overdo it, because at this stage the child’s personality is being formed. He must develop his own line of behavior, understand himself and the world around him. And, naturally, in this case, conflicts with adults may arise against the background of the teenager’s developing independence and his defiant behavior. How should parents behave in such situations?

2. It is important to understand that a change in behavior is not necessarily a bad sign that should cause concern. Often, mothers and fathers, instead of admitting that they are afraid of losing the child’s trust when left alone, begin to overprotect him. You should accept the fact that your child is no longer small.

3. Mother, since the maternal instinct is much stronger than the paternal one, teenagers endure changes more difficultly, it is more difficult for them to give the child more freedom. In this regard, it is easier for the father to cope with such a task, and therefore it is he who can come to the aid of the child. Men are ready to face problems and sort them out without unnecessary emotions, which sometimes spoil family relationships.

4. For a teenager to be obedient means to declare his immaturity and lack of independence. That is why he takes any advice, and especially orders, very seriously. Therefore, you should not try to force your daughter or son to obey and punish them for disobedience. Here it is better to try to change the tone in conversations with the child, to be polite and attentive, and not to try to impose your opinion. Instead of ordering, it will be more effective to ask to do something, giving reasons for your request. For example, if you want the music not to play loudly, ask to turn it down by complaining about a headache.

5. Have a heart-to-heart conversation with your child as with an adult. It may not be easy at first, but after some time such conversations should become a good tradition. Build your communication in such a way that he has the opportunity to express his opinion. You can make him feel a little important by asking your child for advice. Now the most valuable thing for him is the understanding of his parents.

Transitional age This is the perfect time for parents and children to become true friends. That is why it is so important to adhere to the basic rules of behavior when communicating with him.

Puberty- this is the process of changes in the body of a teenager, as a result of which he becomes an adult and acquires the ability to procreate. Boys are in adolescence starts at 13-15 years old and ends at 17-19 years old. The hormonal changes that occur during this period determine not only physical changes in the young man’s body, but also affect his social behavior. What should a teenager and his parents know about puberty?

During the transition period, a boy becomes a man

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Puberty is a transitional period between childhood and adulthood. At this time, significant hormonal changes occur, which determines a certain, genetically determined physical development. The term puberty usually refers to the sexual development of a young man, but does not affect the psychological changes that occur during this process. The teenage period actually lasts longer than puberty itself and includes not only physical, but also social maturation.

Physical development due to hormonal changes in the body

The transition period begins for all boys in at different ages. On average, the first changes are noted at the age of 13-15 years. For comparison, girls mature earlier and are about 2-3 years ahead of boys. What happens in the body during this period? young man?

1. The production of GN-RH (gonadotropin-releasing hormone) in the hypothalamus increases.
2. Increased in the pituitary gland.
3. The production of sex hormones in the testicles is stimulated.

Thus, the hypothalamus comes into play first. It begins to actively synthesize GN-RH, which in turn leads to increased production of hormones in the pituitary gland subordinate to it and further in the testicles. Increased production of hormones inevitably leads to the launch of certain processes and the onset of sexual development.

Processes occurring in the body of a young man under the influence of hormones:

• Connections are established between the hypothalamus, pituitary gland and gonads.
• The sensitivity of tissues to the action of sex hormones increases.
• There is a gradual maturation of the gonad receptor apparatus.
• The mass of seminiferous tubules increases.
• Sperm maturation occurs in Sertoli cells.

Hormone production leads to sexual development

All these processes occurring in the body of a young man lead to the appearance of certain changes in the body and the formation of secondary sexual characteristics.

Stages of physical development during puberty

2-3 years before the onset of puberty, production increases. This process is called adrenarche. At this time, there is an intensification, which subsequently leads to the launch of other physiological processes. The exact scheme of regulation of adrenarche has not yet been studied, but the influence of some enzymes on this process (cytochrome P450, etc.) has been noted.

During adolescence, a young man’s body changes in several stages:

Enlargement of the external genitalia

The first sign of puberty in boys is considered to be enlarged testicles. In the pre-pubertal period, their sizes remain practically unchanged and are 2-3 cm in length and 1.5-2.5 cm in width. Starting from 12-13 years of age, the testicles increase in size to 4 cm³. After 5-6 years of puberty, the volume of the testicles should be about 20 cm³.

The penis begins to increase in size along with the growth of the testicles. The frequency of erections increases (an increase in the volume of the penis as a result of the filling of the cavernous bodies with blood against the background of sexual arousal). They arise. Normally, wet dreams occur every 2-3 days, but an increase or decrease in their frequency during adolescence should not be considered a pathology. In adult men, wet dreams can be a consequence of prolonged sexual abstinence.

By the age of 14-15, a boy has full-fledged sperm. After the first wet dreams occur, the young man is theoretically ready to become a father. Do not forget about contraception and protection against STIs during this period.

Due to hormonal changes, secondary sexual characteristics are formed

Hair Growth

First of all, hair appears on the pubic area, and this happens soon after the testicles begin to grow. The first hairs appear at the base of the penis. As the hair becomes thicker, it covers the entire pubic area, extends to the hips, appears along the linea alba, and reaches the navel. After 6-18 months, hair begins to grow in the armpits, around the nipples, above the upper lip and on the chin. The sequence and intensity of hair growth is individual and is largely determined by heredity. Not all young men experience hair growth on their chests or other parts of their bodies. Hair continues to grow throughout life and becomes significantly thicker over time.

Voice change

Voice loss occurs under the influence of androgens. Increased synthesis of hormones leads to rapid growth of the larynx, thickening and lengthening of the vocal cords. The young man's voice becomes low. The voice may be unstable for several years. The timbre of the voice is finally established by the age of 15-16 and usually precedes the appearance of facial hair.

Muscle changes

During adolescence, boys grow quickly. Bone length increases and muscle mass increases. The shoulder bones and jaws grow much faster than the rest of the body, which determines the formation of a male figure. The maximum increase in muscle mass is observed a year after the onset of puberty. By the end of puberty, boys have twice as much muscle mass as girls of the same age.

Change in body odor

Inflammatory processes affect the skin of the face and other parts of the body

Under the influence of sex hormones, the composition of fatty acids that make up the structure of sweat changes. Sweating increases and a specific odor occurs. At the same time, there is an increased production of secretions by the sebaceous glands, which leads to an increase in oily skin. The addition of bacteria provokes the development of acne - inflammatory changes on the skin of the face, back, and other parts of the body. After puberty ends, acne goes away on its own in most boys. In some cases, specialist consultation and treatment are required.

Psychological changes during puberty

Hormonal changes affect not only body changes. Significant changes also occur in the mental state of the young man. At the age of about 12 years, there is a significant acceleration in the rate of brain growth, and significant changes in the endocrine system are also noted. Complex relationships between the hypothalamus and other endocrine glands create conditions for increased excitability of some subcortical structures, which leads to a restructuring of nervous activity in adolescents.

According to numerous studies, during the transition period boys experience:

• A decrease in concentration and memory at the beginning of adolescence and some improvement towards the end of puberty.
• Some decrease in mental performance at the age of 14-16 years.
• Disruption of inhibition processes and increased excitability of the central nervous system.

During the transition period, a real hormonal storm rages in the body of a teenager. Due to the rapid growth of the brain, its key structures do not always have time to be adequately supplied with blood, which also affects the mental activity of the young man and determines some aspects of his behavior. It is not surprising that the character of a young man changes. The severity of the changes may vary, but in most cases the following points are noted:

As a result of the restructuring of the body, the character of the boy changes

• Lack of self-confidence, shyness, low self-esteem (often compensated for by excessive aggression).
• Closedness, tendency to depression.
• Nervousness, excessive anxiety.
• Increased aggressiveness, including towards elders.
• Emotional lability. Mood swings and impulsivity are common among boys during puberty.
• Conflict, confrontation with the outside world.
• The emergence of sexual desire, interest in the opposite sex.

Issues of personal relationships are of particular importance for boys. Classmates from strange creatures from another planet suddenly turn into beautiful girls. There is a completely understandable interest in this area of ​​life. The first sexual experience also often occurs at this age. Is it any wonder that a young man’s behavior is constantly changing and almost never meets the expectations of his parents?

Factors influencing puberty

It is impossible to predict in advance when a boy's puberty will begin and how long it will last. The course of puberty is influenced by the following factors:

Precocious sexual development is said to occur when secondary sexual characteristics appear in boys under the age of 9 years. Delayed sexual development is noted if no changes occur at the age of 16 years or older. In any of these situations, you should consult a doctor and find the cause of such deviations.

Advice for parents: how to survive adolescence

Puberty is a difficult time not only for the teenager himself, but also for the people around him. It is difficult to love an awkward, mischievous and sometimes aggressive boy in the same way as a touching, fat-cheeked baby. The boy no longer lies quietly in diapers, hangs out with a construction set, and no longer amazes his parents with his ability to put words into sentences. He is gloomy and gloomy, dissatisfied with life and himself, and constantly provokes conflicts. It is not surprising that teenagers quite often have problems and misunderstandings with their parents, and these difficulties cannot be avoided even in the most loving family.

It is important for parents of a teenage boy to remember: a young man needs care and love no less than a baby, but it just needs to be expressed in a slightly different form. Excessive care for a young man will only harm him and become another annoying factor. Adults need to be there and make it clear with all their behavior that the child can count on them, no matter what happens. And at the same time, it is necessary to give the teenager the opportunity to express himself, self-actualize, find his place in life and take a certain position among his peers. Finding a balance between freedom and care is what is important for parents whose son has entered the difficult period of puberty.

During adolescence, it is important for parents to find a balance between freedom and care

A few tips:

1. Direct the young man's energy in a useful direction. Offer him an activity in which he will feel needed. This could be a part-time job in your free time, helping with a family business, playing sports or some hobby. It is important that the young person has the opportunity to choose, because acting under pressure is unlikely to be effective.
2. Give the young man personal space. Ideally, this should be a separate room where an adult will not barge in without warning. If this is not possible, you should at least fence off your teenager’s own corner in the common room. You should not encroach on his personal belongings or eavesdrop on conversations with friends. Total control will not promote a good relationship and will only turn your teenager against you.
3. Avoid unnecessary criticism. Remember that teenagers take everything very seriously, especially when it comes to appearance or relationships with girls. Express your dissatisfaction in the correct form and do not forget to praise your young man.
4. Be interested in his life. Unobtrusively ask how he is doing at school. Be aware of what he is interested in, what issues interest him. Don't meddle in your personal life, but also be completely aloof. This will help you not only become a trusted person for a teenager, but will also allow you to replace negative changes in time if the young man gets involved with bad company or gets into trouble.
5. Recognize him as a person. Allow the young man to realize his inclinations and choose his own path in life. Remember that he is not an extension of you, but an independent person, and has the right to his personal opinion. Allow him to make his mistakes and draw his own conclusions from what happened where it does not pose a serious danger to health and life.

Remember that adolescence does not last forever. Sooner or later, the awkward young man will become a grown man, and you will only have to remember this difficult, but fascinating time in its own way.

FAQ, or frequently asked questions

At what age is it time to worry about signs of physical changes?

It is worth talking about delayed sexual development if by the age of 15-16 the young man has not developed a single secondary sexual characteristic (growth of the genital organs, hair growth on the pubis, in the armpits, on the face, change in voice). In this situation, you should contact an andrologist.

At what age do boys stop growing?

Maximum growth is observed in boys aged 14-16 years. At this time, the young man almost reaches the final mark of his growth, but the process does not end there. Slow increases are observed up to 20-22 years (according to some data up to 25 years) - until the growth zones are completely closed.

Is it true that acne will “go away on its own” as soon as a young man begins to be sexually active?

This popular belief has no scientific basis. For most teenagers, acne goes away by the end of puberty, that is, by the age of 17-19, and the intensity of sexual activity does not affect this process in any way.

Are dietary changes necessary after adolescence?

A teenager's diet should be balanced in essential elements and vitamins. A teenager's diet should include red meat, fresh vegetables and fruits in season. Usually, during the transition period, boys develop an appetite, so there are no significant problems with this. It is only important to limit the share of fast food and fast carbohydrates so as not to provoke weight problems and metabolic disorders.

When will this nightmare end?

Everything passes, and this too will pass. By the age of 17-19, the hormonal storm subsides, and the young man enters a new stage of his life. By this age, secondary sexual characteristics reach their maximum development. The condition of the skin improves, acne goes away. The psycho-emotional state also normalizes at the end of adolescence.

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For every mother, her beloved son always remains a baby. She remembers every moment of his life: from birth to his first significant victories. And, often, the beginning of adolescence in a boy takes his mother by surprise. This is a difficult period of discovery for both the child and the parents. The family structure built over the years is disrupted, peace and serenity are replaced by quarrels, screams, misunderstandings and a blank wall of grievances on both sides. At what age does puberty begin for boys? How to pass this serious test? How to deal with a teenager? Is it possible to survive my son’s adolescence and remain friends with him? We will try to answer all these questions in our article.

When does puberty begin for boys?

The transitional age for boys occurs differently for everyone and depends, first of all, on the physiological characteristics of the child - namely, on the functioning of the hormonal system. It is sex hormones that are responsible for the restructuring of the body that leads to external and internal changes in boys. Also, an important role in entering puberty is influenced by living conditions, level of physical development, emotional and mental state of the child, heredity and even ethnicity. Adverse habits - smoking, alcohol, etc. - have a rather serious impact on the maturation of boys. These factors inhibit the process of sexual development, because they inhibit the child’s hormonal system.

As a rule, the beginning of puberty in boys is between 10-12 years, and by the age of 15 the boy becomes sexually mature. However, complete maturation of the body occurs only at the age of 23-25. These indicators are averaged and deviations from it by 2-3 years are not critical.

Signs of adolescence in boys

Parents raising young boys often wonder when adolescence begins in boys and what are the signs of the beginning of this period. The transitional age for a boy is a rather long process, which can be roughly fit into the time frame from 9 to 17 years. The peak of these changes generally occurs between 12 and 14 years of age. If we adhere to the official terminology of psychologists, then adolescence is the time period during which a child experiences puberty, accompanied by rapid physical development and excessive hormone production. Very clear formulation, isn't it? But in reality, everything is not easy. A teenager, who just yesterday was a sweet and affectionate son, suddenly becomes withdrawn, aggressive, even hysterical at some points. He is rude for any reason, is embarrassed by his appearance and strives with all his might to position himself as an independent adult man, absolutely independent of his parents. He seems like a stranger to himself in this family and the world at large. The main task of parents is to support and be able to accept the child with all his changes, fears and complexes. After all, he is still your son, who cannot cope with the sudden onset of growing up.

Physiological features of adolescence in boys

A difficult age for a child begins with a physical restructuring of the body, which is accompanied by the following signs:

1. A sharp jump in growth. From the age of 12, a boy can annually gain up to 10 cm in height. Bones are actively growing and muscles are developing.
2. Weight loss. Due to increased growth, the child’s body does not have time to absorb and store useful substances and microelements. All energy is spent on bone growth, so during the transition period boys experience lack of weight, in some cases even dystrophy.
3. Changes in body relief. The figure of a teenager begins to develop into a “male” type, the shoulders become wider and the hips narrower.
4. “Breaking” of the voice. The voice becomes rougher and lower in pitch. Usually this process extends for 1-2 years until the end of puberty.
5. Body hair growth. Hair begins to grow in intimate area and armpits. Later, fluff appears above the upper lip and hair appears on the arms and legs.
6. Enlargement of the genital organs. From 10 to 13 years of age, the genital organs enlarge and pigmentation of the scrotum appears.
7. The appearance of acne on the face and body. The active work of the sebaceous glands provokes acne and blackheads on the face, which some teenagers struggle with for years; for others, everything goes away after a few months.
8. Uncontrollable ejaculation during sleep. During adolescence, a boy is faced with the phenomenon of wet dreams. In fact, this is a completely normal part of growing up.

Psychological problems of adolescence in boys

The physiological changes that occur in the child determine the behavior of the teenager and have an active influence on his psycho-emotional state. In a short time

Over a period of time, colossal transformations occur in the young man’s body, to which the child’s psyche still does not have time to adapt. The body rebels and manifests itself in a very diverse way:

1. Emotional instability. Sudden changes in mood, from calm to storm, are a common situation in a home where there is a teenager. An ordinary remark provokes either tears or a desire to argue.
2. Coarseness. An obedient child overnight turned into a rude and cynical boor. All his words carry a brightly negative connotation. The whole environment of the young man suffers from rudeness: parents, brothers and sisters, peers, teachers.
3. Aggression. Dissatisfaction with oneself and rejection of one’s new changed body in many cases results in aggression towards others. For some, these are just school fights for leadership in the class, while for others, serious offenses are brought to the police. I would like to note that aggression is still a natural manifestation of adolescence in a boy. He becomes a man and tries on a life model of behavior, at this moment his future male strategy is laid. Of course, you need to be able to distinguish natural aggression, which helps you determine your role in life, from its extreme manifestations - cruelty and the desire to commit crimes.
4. Attraction to the opposite sex. Unexpectedly, the young man begins to experience an irresistible attraction to girls. At this moment, the basic norms of behavior with the opposite sex are laid down. Errors and failures are perceived sharply and painfully.
5. Sui cid. For a teenager, this seems to be the easiest way out of the vicious circle of misunderstanding and problems. Unfortunately, in Russia, the percentage of teenage suicides is increasing every year.

The boy's attempts to prove his masculinity to the whole world cause particular problems for the parents. The teenager begins to position himself as an adult man, a rapid reassessment of values ​​and a change in life guidelines occurs. He tries to independently resolve all issues and overcome the difficulties encountered alone. And these attempts always worry parents very much, because as soon as the boy is faced with a question that he cannot solve due to lack of life experience, he becomes even more aggressive and withdrawn.

Errors in the behavior of parents of a child of adolescence

Probably, not a single family has been able to easily survive the transitional age of their child and avoid mistakes. Moreover, each child is individual, each case must be considered individually. There is no classification or template parental mistakes, which would be an assistant in such a difficult situation. But we can distinguish two models of parental behavior that are definitely unacceptable and lead to even greater problems and misunderstanding in communicating with their child.

1. Loyalty and unconditional acceptance of the situation

Faced with changes in their child, parents rush to sources of information. In a short period of time, they read articles on the Internet, books by famous psychologists, and conduct a quick survey of friends and relatives who at one time experienced the problems of adolescence. Unfortunately, from all this abundance of information, they take away the main idea - adolescence is not eternal, you need to love and endure. Such parents remain unperturbed when faced with a child’s rudeness towards them, calm when their son brings home only bad grades from school or does not spend the night at home. They take the position of an observer and patiently wait for their sweet and kind child to return to them. This role is fundamentally wrong and a failure!

Yes, a teenager needs a lot of love. Yes, he needs understanding and patience. But don’t expect that adolescence will end as suddenly as it began and everything will return to normal. The child is changing and will never be the same again! He, like air, needs help, advice, guidance and life guidelines. Without them, he will not be able to navigate the world that has become so unfamiliar and alien. It depends on the parents whether a teenager will step into adulthood as a harmonious and happy person.

1. Severity and rejection

Another variant of erroneous parental behavior that leads to serious problems with a teenager is the manifestation of excessive severity. Such parents adhere to a despotic style of upbringing and believe that all the difficulties of adolescence are far-fetched and the source of their appearance is shortcomings in upbringing. They harshly and categorically suppress stubbornness, self-will, and the desire for independence in a teenager. A child in such a family feels rejected and misunderstood, and sees two ways out of the situation: to submit or to resist. Both options do not lead to personality harmonization. Submission and suppression of a teenager as an individual is a direct road to suicide. Resistance to parental will can lead to drugs, alcohol and, as a result, problems with the law or even the death of the child.

How can a boy survive adolescence and remain friends?

Physiological and psycho-emotional changes make adolescence a very difficult period in a boy’s life. How can I help him overcome this difficult time? How not to lose your authority and remain friends? Every parent asks himself these questions. It is difficult to be a true friend to a teenager, but it is still worth trying. Sooner or later, all parental attempts will be rewarded with the open and happy smile of a matured son.

Trusting relationship with a child- this is the basis on which fragile mutual understanding is built during adolescence. Of course, it is necessary to build these relationships from early childhood. If this didn’t work with a baby, then most likely it won’t work with a teenager. It doesn’t matter who the child trusts more, dad or mom, the main thing is that this person exists. And it is through him that everything should be heard important points and solutions. This way they will be easier to perceive and take action. You need to prepare for adolescence in advance - listen to your son. No matter how busy the day is, set aside half an hour to communicate with your child. This time should belong only to him and you. No questions about school, no moralizing. The topic and flow of the conversation is determined by the child, and the parent must be an active listener and enthusiastic spectator. Make such communication daily, a good tradition from childhood, then the teenager will easily and naturally talk about his affairs and problems.

Interests of a teenager should become the interests of the parents. Very often, parents do not know what their children are interested in. Many people only name the computer, without even suspecting which sites fall into the category of frequently visited sites. Share all the interests of the children, do it sincerely. If your son is interested in cycling, buy an iron horse for yourself and ride together on weekends. Swimming, playing musical instruments, fixing a car - all this should become your joint hobby. This is the only way to preserve the fragile adult-child connection, which in most cases breaks down in adolescence. A special place in the life of a teenager, especially a boy, is occupied by friends, whom parents must know by sight. It's good if all friends come into the house. This allows parents to unobtrusively keep their son’s environment under control.

Social media- the main competitor of parents in the struggle for the soul of a teenager. IN modern world without social networks Not a single adult can cope, let alone children who strive to imitate their parents in everything. If your child has his own page, be sure to add him as a friend. This should be done at the age of 8-10 years, when children still easily allow their parents into their lives. In the future, this will allow you to discreetly look into the secret thoughts and fears of a growing man. Always look at how a teenager lives on the Internet, what interests him, what posts he posts. This attentiveness in some cases will help protect the child from many harmful hobbies. There is a lot of debate about the dangers of the Internet and computer games. Many videos have been filmed and posted on this topic, teenagers who killed their parents because of the ban on computer games, often began to appear in crime news. Clearly regulating the time you can spend at the computer will help you avoid these problems. A teenager should know how much time he is allowed to spend on the computer. And no pleas or persuasion should influence these regulations.

Independent decision making- the natural right of a growing boy. To avoid serious and irreversible mistakes, allow him to make decisions in the so-called “comfort zone”. Where the mistake will not become fatal, and the teenager will be able to bear responsibility for the decision he makes. His desire for independence will be satisfied, and an understanding of the responsibility that inexorably follows the adoption of a particular decision will force him to approach any problem seriously and thoughtfully.

The period of emotional storms gives rise to a feeling of general misunderstanding and rejection in a teenager. Therefore, when you are faced with the problem of a difficult age, try to find a common language with your child. Spend more time together - go out into nature, go to the cinema, take a walk, visit entertainment centers or an ice skating rink. If the situation has reached a dead end, take a short vacation and go on vacation or go on a short hike. The main thing is more communication and joint positive emotions. Try to find something that your child really likes and channel all your energy in the right direction. By doing what you love, a teenager can relax and get emotional release. Try to listen to your child and give him the opportunity to grow, make early mistakes and learn from them.

The difficulties of adolescence frighten many parents of teenagers, but if you show maximum patience and endurance, then this period will pass with minimal shocks for all of you.

Love your children. Love the rough and tumble, the stubborn and shy, the cynical and so vulnerable. Help them survive adolescence with your wisdom and boundless love.

Adolescence is a special period in a person’s life. It manifests itself with certain symptoms to which parents should respond correctly. Children change their behavior dramatically and are difficult to control. However, this stage, although difficult, can be overcome without any problems.

There are techniques that allow you to establish normal relationships with children. Some parents will find it useful to read relevant literature to avoid the consequences of communicating with their child. After all, it is at this age that there are a lot of deaths, when a little person could not find support from his parents and cope with his own experiences. Many run away from home, trying to find support on the street. They become disillusioned over time, but there may be no turning back.

What is adolescence? Its other name is puberty. For a child, not only the feelings of life and himself as an element of the entire system change, his body is transformed. Why is adolescence called transitional? At this time, each person transitions into adulthood from childhood. Everything changes: the attitude towards parents, towards life, towards the future.

How long does adolescence last? Its duration can be approximately 4 years. Nowadays children are growing up earlier, so the transition period can be reduced by 2 times, but this is all individual. At what age does puberty begin? From the age of 12 and ends at 16. In each individual case, this time period can vary in any direction.

The stage in question is complex and somewhat dramatic for some teenagers. Adolescence is associated with difficulties due to a number of reasons. The most significant factor is . Teenagers are characterized by a high degree of sensitivity to how others evaluate their appearance. At the same time, they show independence, firmness of opinion, which is expressed about other people.

When adolescence sets in, children can simultaneously observe callousness, attentiveness, and painful shyness. There is a need to evaluate individuals who are authoritative for him. They want to be recognized and behave quite cheekily in many situations. Characteristic at this stage is the deification of the idol. They strive in every possible way to demonstrate their own independence, fight established rules, and resist authorities.

This stage manifests itself in the fact that adolescents are often not satisfied with their own appearance, and dissatisfaction with their own body appears. The child may experience embarrassment about his body; he is embarrassed to show it openly. Often children do not want to be photographed, although they previously enjoyed this activity.

All this can manifest itself due to changes occurring at the hormonal level. Restructuring of absolutely all systems must begin in the body and internal organs. Throughout time, there is a need for material, which is the basis for the construction of fabrics. Because of this, there is a need for abundant nutrition, but there are changes in appetite.

Other reasons

The characteristics of adolescence indicate that adolescents who have reached 13-14 years of age experience certain alternations of bursts of active periods. A child may be cheerful, but after a short period of time he begins to feel tired or completely exhausted. The period of adolescence is characterized by the syndrome of teenage laziness. At the same time, parents describe this so-called syndrome by saying that the child is lazy to do anything and reveals a desire to lie down, sit, or does not want to stand upright (leans on various objects).

Experts associate these features of adolescence with increased growth, so a lot of strength and energy is spent on performing certain actions. All this is reflected in the fact that the child’s endurance is significantly reduced. The manifested effect of the syndrome is reflected in the general condition and behavior of the child.

Thus, a teenager experiences some awkwardness, which leads to various breakdowns and damage to objects. These difficulties of adolescence may give the impression that the teenager is acting on purpose, but this is not the case. All negative manifestations occur regardless of the child; they are caused by restructuring of the motor system.

Coping with these changes is quite difficult, but over time, a teenager becomes an adult. For the process to be implemented, large physical costs are required. If you pay attention to psychological aspect, then it is quite difficult for the child to live at this moment in time.

Adolescence in certain cases occurs with difficulties that are associated with a reluctance to grow up. It is laid down in his subconscious that he will lose his usual state, so discomfort arises.

About the possible behavior of a teenager

Signs of adolescence are observed in the behavior of a teenager. Quite often it changes very much and becomes provocative. These changes manifest themselves in rudeness. He doesn’t let adults near him and doesn’t want to share personal things. In addition, his mood often changes, and he also does not allow his parent to be close to him, for example, he does not allow himself to be hugged. Psychologists compare this behavior to a hedgehog who constantly pushes away those around him.

Late adolescence is even more difficult. Often a child refuses to clean his own room. Parents can observe complete chaos there, which does not bother the teenager at all. He also doesn’t want to hear about household chores; it’s very difficult to force him to do them.

Symptoms of adolescence are also observed in the fact that a son or daughter tries to anger their parents, which can ultimately lead to a scandal. At the same time, the teenager may not worry about this at all.

The crisis of adolescence in adolescents sometimes has a negative impact on the parents, since all this time they feel some confusion and cannot understand what actions to take. This whole process is painful for both parents and children, but all these symptoms can be overcome if such behavior is approached correctly.

If you reach adolescence, what should you do? Parents must respond wisely to such behavior. The teenager, with his extraordinary behavior, tries to develop his own approach to certain ongoing events.

The crisis of this age makes it clear that the teenager is under pressure from various parties: parents, school and peers. Therefore, he tries to start living his own life without outside help. Psychology focuses on the fact that a teenager is trying to tell others about his existence. However, problems of adolescence begin to develop here due to the fact that the child does not yet have goals in life, and emotional stability is also not observed.

About the development of a teenager's personality

How to cope with adolescence? In this case, psychology comes to the rescue. This science focuses on the fact that a teenager becomes an individual during this difficult period for him. Therefore, you cannot resort to any reproaches, humiliations or similar actions.

How to help a teenager during this period? First of all, you need to try to occupy him with something. But at the same time, you need to remember that the child must be perceived as an individual.

How long does adolescence last? For each teenager, this time may last differently, but all the signs are almost the same: the desire for maximum independence and refusal to accept problematic situations.

When adolescence begins, adolescents experience a feeling of excessive adulthood. At the same time, psychology notes that he has a new level of aspirations that does not coincide with his actual state. Transitional age and the peculiarities of contact with teenagers must be taken into account. It is extremely important for a child that his growing up is celebrated by his parents and others. However, if the behavior does not satisfy adults, conflicts arise.

How to survive adolescence? It is very important for a teenager that he receives and feels the support of loved ones all this time. But at the same time, the child may refuse care and other forms of support in every possible way.

What it is - correct behavior parents? This is building trusting relationships with loved ones. This process should be based on support and approval. The duration of adolescence will also be determined by how correctly the parents behave.

You also need to be prepared for the fact that the teenager will protest in every possible way, and he will not have enough adult advice. Communication will be accepted properly only in cases where he understands that he has equal rights with adults. The transitional age ends when a parent has a constructive conversation with his son/daughter. At the same time, there is no need to be rude, shout, etc. You just need to show in every possible way that the child is understood. It is necessary to share your own thoughts, experiences, etc. with him.

When adolescence ends, the child already gains the ability to think independently and understand various life situations. Interest in a child’s life should not be artificial or feigned. All his actions must be monitored and negative actions prohibited.

additional information

Regardless of how old adolescence began, it is recommended to use a certain developed technology to extinguish the emerging conflict between a teenager and adults. Not many parents know that when arguing with a teenager, they should not insult him or blame him for something. It is recommended to express your attitude towards the child, and only positive ones. This process should be called building trust.

In the first year of adolescence and subsequently, it is necessary to build a dialogue with the child as correctly as possible. For example, you need to focus on the fact that rude behavior negatively affects adults, etc. At the same time, you need to be prepared for a sharp response from the child, for example, that he doesn’t care. But this is just a mask, and sooner or later this behavior must end. The teenager will definitely remember these words and draw conclusions for himself.

A new period should begin in a child’s life, and it should not be supported by any insults or other negative emotions, since these are all mistakes. By allowing them, parents only cause aggression in their child. But all this passes over time, and as a result, the teenager only has positive impressions of the support of his parents. By expressing your own feelings and sensations to your child, you will be able to avoid conflict.

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